Do you ever wake up and decide that your life has to change? That you’re tired of always regretting that you didn’t do better and now have to bear the consequences? For me, I am tired of always going to bed so late then wake up feeling like my head is an opaque cloud. I love my life, so I would like to be able to enjoy it more, to be able to focus on things that make me happy instead of the constant self-criticism.
So how are we going to do this? I think that since my goal is to be more intentional with my time, I would like to use this writing challenge as a substitute for scrolling my phone. I am going to write here once in the morning, once in the afternoon, and once at night.
Quick overview of my day. I have already washed my hair and did my morning skincare. I have class in 30 minutes so I am going to take a 5-minute nap. I will have another class after lunch which I have to do the readings for. After that class, I will meet my lab partners to do the writeup together. I don’t feel like doing any of it now but I think after a short rest I will feel better.
Small win: I was walking to class, I realized that my step feels different. There is energy and lightness in my walk. It feels different. And I realized that it is because I have been sick for a while and this day has been my healthiest day in two weeks. It reminded me to be more gentle to myself.
Small win: I paid attention in class without distracting myself on my laptop. I did doze off once in a while, but I got the overall gist of the class.
When I am in line for lunch, I carried my laptop to do my readings. It is not ideal - I should have done the readings the day before, or throughout the week, but the truth is I didn’t, and now the best thing I could do is to do the readings with the time I have left. I am so grateful for the readings that I am introduced to. This week, we are reading Urdu literature, particularly the Ghazals. These are love poems written in Persian. I am reading Khusrau, a poet and courtier. His love poems are devastatingly beautiful. Here are some lines:
“Though you robbed me of heart
and soul, look at me and see
how finely that smile came
from those lips into these eyes”
The Bazaar of Love, page 6
When he says “I love you”, but Khusrau said:
“Permit me to die at your feet,
for this is my eternal life.
Khusrau costs you no more than to say,
‘This is the slave I got for free’”
I am always annoyed at my tangles, but:
“Sleep, be gone! You’re no friend of mine tonight
as I remember that someone’s tangled hair.”
And:
“I love you so much
I am overcome with jealousy
if you treat someone else
as badly as you treated me.”
My goal for this week is to complete all the readings for the class, because I genuinely enjoy them so much and I would love to enjoy all of it and miss none.
The lab meeting I had with my lab partners was quite productive. We finished the code for a Finite State Machine for a game. We had a lot of fun (and I am proud of my sense of humor). After that, I was too tired so I scrolled my phone for an hour and shut my eyes for 10 minutes. The takeaway? Scrolling my phone only adds to the heaviness in my head while shutting my eyes lightens it. I feel more refreshed after just 10 minutes of eyeshut. I will make a point to add it to my routine to replace scrolling time.
Tonight I make dinner with my friends in my dorm. Before the dinner, I have decided to treat myself to watching The Great British Baking Show and light reading before bed. When I am excited to start watching my show, it is easier to get off my phone. I found out that I enjoy organizing my room and folding the laundry while having the show on. I think it will become my new ritual - coming back to my room at night, having a nice pleasant show on while I do things around my room.
Side note: I know that right now a lot of my mind is revolved around my phone and not using them. But it will get better. One day, I will look back and realize that it is no longer a concern. That day will come. But for that day to come, this day needs to happen, to pull myself out of the dark.
I think this is a lovely end to my day. Nice dinner. Good baking show. Some light reading. Cozy bed. See you tomorrow!
Takeaways from today:
10 minutes of eyeshut / 20 minutes of nap time will refresh my mind
As soon as you come back at the end of the day, have a good show on
If you have homeworks from many classes and there's this one class that you are really eager to start working on, just start with it first. Allow yourself to start with it first, even though it is not as urgent.
u nailed it, Don’t stop ur on a roll